Do the Math

I have to say this for that co-worker that says he's a pimp because of the number of women he's dating on the job. I had to give him my opinion, which of course he didn't like. I'll share it with you and you can let me know if you agree.

First of all, a pimp's status is not usually measured in quantity. The only quantitative measurement used to describe a pimp's degree of success is one that is monetary in value. Dollars and cents. Any other time, a pimp's status is determined by the quality of his ho's.

For example, let's say (hypothetically) that a pimp's top score is 100 points. If a pimp has ten ho's that are all dimes, that pimp has reached maximum pimp status. But this co-worker I'm talking about has 10 ho's on his jock, but they are all ugly and desperate. I'm not hating, this is my objective observation. Anyway, he has 10 ho's, but each one is only worth 2 points. Ten times two is only twenty. Twenty points on my pimp scale ain't nothing to brag about.

Now, a pimp does not have to have a college degree, but he should know some basic 8th grade algebra to reach maximum pimp status. If all the pimp has is 2 point ho's, he needs 50 of them to ensure he's making the most profit. This is what I told my co-worker today. I think I hurt his feelings, but that's what he gets for bragging about the women he's sleeping with when I'm around, in a bad mood, working on a Sunday because my boss is a she-bitch.

I ended this discussion by reminding my co-worker that if pimpin' became legal and all of a sudden he could sell his ho's as a retail brand, he would not be selling them at Macy's, he would be selling them at Wal-Mart.

The only reason he would be selling them at Wal-Mart is because you can't sell a 2 dollar ho at the 99 Cent Store.